apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
