When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
