I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
