I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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