a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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