We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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