Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
