I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
