dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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