i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
