Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
