I have demons in me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i think i just lost a toe
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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