If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
