She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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