3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
