and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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