If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I love you. Go after that dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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