He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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