Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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