well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
