I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
