it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
