Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
