What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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