Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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