i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do herpes really smell.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
