i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
