yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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