just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
