Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
