So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
