I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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