I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i think im in europe. pls send help
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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