One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
