I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
