SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
