The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
