I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
where are my eyebrows?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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