We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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