It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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