how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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