We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
