How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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