I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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