Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
