I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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