you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
