I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
