just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
