Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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