His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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