I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
