Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dignity is for republicans.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
