i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
whose ass print is on the piano?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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