I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
