I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
