There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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