so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were destined to go to rehab together
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
