I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
