Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
